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09 November 2011 @ 04:52 am
Title: Awakening
Length: 1,600 words
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance/Fluff
Warnings: I suppose spoilers for 3x05?; implications of sex
Summary: "And so every time Blaine screwed up, each instance didn’t seem so grave as the one before, because he knew that as long as he was sincere and honest and caring, they’d make it through anything. And somewhere along the line, Blaine stopped thinking so much about things ending between them, and instead things… never ending." After their first time together, Blaine lies awake and reflects on his feelings for the future, and whether or not Kurt will be in it.
Author's Note: Eeks. My first fic in months, and I decide to make it one that's an inner monologue and from Blaine's point-of-view, both of which I'm not very good at. But this was nagging at me in the back of my brain for hours, so I had to write it. Happy one year, Klainers! =)

It was quiet. There was no sound other than that of their breathing; no light other than the single lamp on the desk on the far side of the room, casting long and delicate shadows of their intertwined fingers. Blaine rubbed his thumb idly along the back of Kurt’s hand where both of their hands lay clasped across his own chest, trying to soak up every last detail of this moment before his body won out in the internal struggle and finally drifted off to sleep. Kurt was asleep already, and had been so for a while, but Blaine was trying to fight it off, for just a little bit longer.

They were both lying on their backs with every inch of their bodies lining up against each other, and wherever they touched, it felt like tiny but pleasant pinpricks of electricity were dotted along his skin. It was a cold November night and they were uncovered as they lay on top of the bed, but Blaine was just so warm-- inside, outside, and even in other places that he couldn’t describe. There was the physical warmth that he felt from both of their bodies, heat radiating even through their clothes and transferring into each other’s skin. It was so intimate, even after what they’d just experienced only minutes before. But then there was also this deep, emotional warmth that curled up and smoldered gently right in his very core, every now and then sending out pulsing waves that made him breathe in a shaky breath and tremble from such complete bliss.

Blaine thought to himself that he didn’t know how it could possibly get better than this.

He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that it definitely could, and probably would. As they grew, both together and separately, there was always room for more opportunities for them to explore and experience even more happiness together. But Blaine had never before experienced such a closeness with anyone, not as long as he could remember. To feel so cherished and loved completely by the person that you felt the same for… that was a truly incredible feeling. And Blaine was desperately fighting off sleep in fear that he would forget that feeling when he awoke. He never, ever wanted to forget tonight and how he felt, both during this moment and before. It was all too perfect to be true, but it was true. It was true, and if he had one wish, he would wish to spend every night of the rest of his life falling asleep next to the beautiful boy beside him.

He knew those were powerful thoughts, and possibly too far ahead and mature for their age. High school relationships rarely ever lasted in this day and age, and ‘forever’ was still spoken so frequently amidst it all that it was beginning to lose its meaning. It was becoming a cheap word to just throw around; a way to score points and win hearts in a game that you were only half-interested in. Blaine also knew that he was hopeless at times-- a little bit naïve and often a clueless fool in love, even though he always had the best intentions at heart. He made mistakes far too often, and without even realizing them until they were laid out right in front of his face only moments too late. He’d already made so many with Kurt that he was terrified of making one last slip that ruined what they had forever. Every time he caught that distant flicker of worry or fear behind Kurt’s eyes, hidden well but only too visible for the few people that he let in past his glass walls, Blaine felt a tiny jolt of panic rush to the front of his mind, and he would run through anything he could have possibly done wrong. Sometimes it wasn’t even his fault. But sometimes it was, and it was those times that he felt more like six than sixteen. He felt undeserving of someone as wonderful as Kurt, and oh god, how could he have ever thought that he wouldn’t mess this up when he was just so stupid?

Every time it happened, he thought, ‘This is it. This is the toe over the line drawn in the sand that will end it’. But every time he thought that it was the end, Kurt still wanted to be with him. Kurt not only accepted him just as he was, for all his mistakes and imperfections, but he loved him for them. And so every time Blaine screwed up, each instance didn’t seem so grave as the one before, because he knew that as long as he was sincere and honest and caring, they’d make it through anything. And somewhere along the line, Blaine stopped thinking so much about things ending between them, and instead things… never ending. It was subconsciously at first, and he didn’t even notice it-- just little thoughts of when they’re in New York, they could try this place for lunch, or when they get a place of their own, Kurt will want to design the house in warm neutral tones. But when he finally realized the implications of those thoughts, they didn’t frighten or worry him, like one would expect. It was as if a part of him always knew that this would be what he wanted at some point, and now it only seemed like a natural and easy progression of their relationship. It didn’t worry him when he thought about it, but rather made him feel a serene sort of happiness; the kind of feelings that he always associated with how he felt whenever he was around Kurt.

As if on cue, Kurt stirred in his sleep beside him, turning over onto his side and scooting close so that Blaine couldn’t help but mirror the action. They were lying facing one another now, with their faces so close that there was probably less than a hair’s width between them. Blaine reached up and held onto Kurt’s wrist where it was tucked up against his chest, his mind drifting off again as his gaze lingered and focused unseeingly on Kurt’s closed eyes. The only thing that caused a flicker of unease in these future thoughts was that he had no idea how Kurt felt on the subject. He knew Kurt loved him-- of that, he was absolutely certain. But while they had talked about colleges and New York, they’d only really touched upon the material details, as they had both chosen to talk about the future of their relationship ‘when the time comes’. It’s not that Blaine was worried about the present state of their relationship, because everything was pretty much perfect, and more than he could have ever asked for. He wasn’t even really all that worried that Kurt wouldn’t feel the same, because he hadn’t given himself time to think about that, yet. It was more of an anxious and slightly restless feeling of not knowing either way, because he felt that the time had nearly come for them to have that conversation. Or maybe it had already come and gone, hence the sudden itch about it.

But then he felt movement beside him again, and it brought his focus back into the present. Kurt began to blink himself awake and tilted his head forward slightly, so that their noses were just barely touching. He sighed in a contentment that paralleled the relaxation and comfort of his body, lying warm and almost limp beside Blaine’s, and finally opened his eyes fully.

And suddenly, as he gazed back into those eyes he knew so well, Blaine was hit yet again with the force of the love he felt for the boy next to him. And he thought that now was the time for this; this pure and blissful moment. Nothing should come between that and have the potential to ruin it, and everything else could definitely wait until tomorrow.

He breathed out a sigh to match Kurt’s, nuzzling his nose against the other boy’s gently in a way that earned him the softest of barely-there smiles.

“Hi,” Kurt spoke up at last, in an almost-whisper that signified his half-awake state.

“Hi,” Blaine whispered right back. He rubbed his thumb back and forth along Kurt’s wrist, and Kurt hummed appreciatively and scooted even closer, tucking his head into the crook of Blaine’s neck. It felt like Kurt belonged there-- like they were two pieces to a puzzle. A perfect fit.

“I love you,” he muttered. As the desire to sleep finally began to overtake him, he felt the need to say those three words; the very last of that night. Or, very nearly the last. Because Kurt responded right away, and even though it was mumbled and slightly slurred from being half-asleep, his voice was full of emotion.

“I love you, too.”

And that was all Blaine needed to hear in that moment. They would tackle tomorrow when it arrived, and everything that came with it. But for right now, Blaine knew he wanted forever. And it wouldn’t just be another meaningless word for them-- he wanted forever and everything that it implied. Maybe he was young and a fool for thinking that this would last, but he knew in the deepest parts of his heart that this-- what he had with Kurt-- this was real, and it would last. It would last as long as they wanted it to, because they could make it. They were strong enough, and they were in love. And with that, they could have forever, if it was what they truly wanted.

And as the waves of a deep sleep started rolling over him, Blaine thought it felt more like waking up.
Current Mood: contentcontent
raboomraboom on November 9th, 2011 02:47 pm (UTC)
Aw, I've waiting for something like this from Blaine's perspective!
Alexandrarhilex on November 9th, 2011 07:22 pm (UTC)
Well, I hope it was satisfactory. =) Thanks for reading!
catko: ff swancatko on November 10th, 2011 08:34 am (UTC)
That's beautiful.
dianadianakins on November 10th, 2011 08:54 am (UTC)
Sobbing. This is everything. FLAWLESS
Alexandrarhilex on November 10th, 2011 06:29 pm (UTC)
*hands tissues* <3
(Deleted comment)
moonlesskymoonlessky on November 10th, 2011 12:41 pm (UTC)
This was really beautiful. Blaine's thoughts and everything, are so perfect and just stunning
Alexandrarhilex on November 10th, 2011 06:27 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you thought Blaine was okay. He's definitely not my forte-- I'm such a Kurt, it's not even funny. I just wanted to take a chance with Blaine, and hopefully it worked!
verdandilverdandil on November 10th, 2011 02:02 pm (UTC)
How beautiful and poignant; the summary alone made me teary. Thank you for sharing this.
Alexandrarhilex on November 10th, 2011 06:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, goodness! You're very welcome. And I'm so happy that you liked it!
mimiheart: KLAINE HUG happymimiheart on November 10th, 2011 02:26 pm (UTC)
They totally have forever. <3
Nenne: Kurt/Blaine 4nenne on November 10th, 2011 07:34 pm (UTC)
Adorable. Just lovely.
IceGoddess: infectious doesn't even beginccmskatechick on November 10th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
Story was absolutely beautiful and lovely
eaconwell on November 11th, 2011 12:37 am (UTC)
very cute :)
hogwartshussyhogwartshussy on November 11th, 2011 05:53 pm (UTC)
winged_entitywinged_entity on January 2nd, 2012 05:30 am (UTC)
This was perfectly written. You captured perfectly the love and intimacy of the moment. The last line was the icing on the cake. Loved it! :)
Alexandrarhilex on January 5th, 2012 09:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!! Comments on my stories mean so much to me, especially later on. <3